Like most people, 2020 rocked my world when my 3-year marriage that was hanging by a thread collapsed. It left me with more questions than answers about how my life ended up in shambles when, by society’s standards, I should have been happy. Actually, I was far from happy, and the collapse of my marriage turned out to be the catalyst in my life for me to find who I was at my core and how I can create the life of my dreams.
I’m no different than around half of Americans that find themselves divorced after their first marriage. We had all the right expectations for our marriage. We wanted good jobs to support a family one day, create generational wealth, obtain advanced degrees, and take 1-2 big vacations per year. We were like most people who go into marriage having had all the tough conversations and making it out on top. However, I missed one of the most crucial steps within the dating process. I wasn’t paying attention to the red flags that the person I was choosing to marry was never going to put me first. The reason I missed that, was because I never put myself first either.
After a dramatic and unexpected ending to my marriage, I knew something had to change. I started by continuing clinical therapy with a therapist who could tell me what she thought had transpired since seeing my ex-husband and me a few months prior. As I began to heal pieces of myself, I realized that I really did not know who I was, and I wouldn’t be able to manifest a happy life without understanding who I was. That spiritual journey truly turned into a love story of coming back to myself and finding my own soulmate within me.
Now, I view my marriage and the time I spent alone as a precious gift. The last five years have provided me with the opportunity to explore why I struggled to prioritize myself. I came to understand that this issue extended beyond my romantic life, affecting my work and personal relationships as well. I poured all my energy into my job, leaving nothing for myself at the end of the day. I believed that work deserved my utmost dedication, as I needed to strive hard to achieve my aspirations within corporate America. My mindset was centered around doing more to secure the next promotion, thinking that a higher salary would lead to happiness.
When friends or family offered advice or suggested a particular approach, I often took their comments to heart without questioning my own thoughts or desires. Though I wasn’t naive, there were numerous instances where I allowed others to dictate my choices based on their perceptions of what I should want. This led to a loss of my identity, as I had spent so long conforming to the expectations of those around me.
The biggest spiritual lesson I have learned on this journey back to myself is that being your most authentic self will always put you on your highest timeline. Embracing authenticity has become my guiding principle, shaping every decision and interaction in my life. It means listening to my inner voice and trusting my instincts, rather than being swayed by external opinions or societal pressures. This journey has taught me that when I honor who I truly am, I align with opportunities and people that resonate with my true essence.
I’ve discovered that authenticity is not a destination but an ongoing practice. It requires courage to be vulnerable, to embrace imperfections, and to show up as I am, even when it feels uncomfortable. By doing so, I’ve attracted genuine connections and experiences that enrich my life in ways I never imagined possible.
Living authentically has also brought a profound sense of peace and fulfillment. I no longer feel the need to chase after external validation or approval. Instead, I find joy in the simple moments and gratitude in the journey itself. It’s a liberating feeling to know that I am enough just as I am and that my unique path is unfolding exactly as it should.
So when people or situations don’t resonate with me, I find it easy to let them go. Not everything or everyone is meant to remain in my life, but I recognize that, at the end of the day, I will always have myself, and that will always be enough.